Supporting a Child Through a Divorce

Impact of Divorce on a Child

Imagine living in a world full of hostility, confusion, tension and fear.

Everything seems normal and good, then the next second, there is inaudible shouting without knowing the reason behind them.  

Parental divorce can be a very stressful period for a child, and the effects can differ depending on several factors such as the age of the child, the prior-relationship between the child and the parents and the gender of the child.

As parents, it is important to understand that a divorce is an adult-matter. It is crucial to maintain consistency in terms of discipline, interaction and the relationship with the child prior to the divorce.  

How can you help your child through the divorce transition?  

Ψ Prepare   

You might have your own set of worries and anxieties linked to the divorce and breaking the news to your child—this is completely normal. However, being anxious and unsure about what you are saying will cause more distress and confusion on the child. It might be helpful to prepare a mental or physical list of items you would like to address to your child and the possible questions that the child might surface during the conversation.  

Take into account the age and mental capacity of your child when explaining the situation. This does not mean to sugarcoat or hold back information. Be honest and be real with understandable explanations to avoid miscommunication or further confusion. 

Ψ Listen and empathise 

It is important to acknowledge and address the worries and fears your child might have or feel.  

You child may find it difficult to express their feelings verbally, and in response, guidance and encouragement is needed.

Addressing certain things about the divorce and reassuring them may not be a one-time thing. Be consistent in meeting their emotional needs. Be patient with them.  

Practice active listening and warm conversational habits, such as facing them with your body. Maintain eye contact and physical touch if they are comfortable (Eg. Holding their hands as you/they are speaking) 

“I see that you are pouting my love, are you scared? Can you share with Mummy/Daddy what you are afraid of?”

“It is normal to feel afraid dear, Mummy/Daddy is also afraid, but we will get through this together, every step of the way.” 

Ψ Do not be afraid to be honest behind the reason for the divorce 

Children may feel like they are the reason behind the separation, trying their best to do whatever they can to stop the divorce. Explaining the reasons behind the separation and reiteration when the topic of divorce surfaces allows the child to better let go of their personal misconceptions.  

Ψ Address the upcoming changes in lifestyle(s) and arrangement(s) 

Be open about the inevitable changes that are going to happen.  Address their fears and doubts accordingly.  Ensure that they feel secure and confident that they are not alone. Let them know that you are going to be there, and certain things can be discussed together when the time comes. 

Facing a sudden lifestyle change can be stressful and difficult to adjust to, more so when you have no control over it and/or if you have little understanding of it. As a parent, you play an important role and hold the responsibility of ensuring that your child’s emotional and physical needs are met during this difficult period. Practice empathy and patience, and remember to stay strong for your little ones.