Dealing with Fear in Children

"A child who feels loved, supported, and connected to their parents has a strong foundation for a lifetime of happiness and success." - Dr. Laura Markham 

As parents, we want to protect our children from the hardships of the world – the pain and suffering we know exists. But can we protect them from everything? 

In the Oscar-winning movie "Everything Everywhere All at Once", we witness the difficulties of establishing strong parent-child relationships. We won’t spoil the plot for those who have yet to see it, but it was clear that some presence, support, love, and open communication might have helped the protagonist’s relationship with her daughter. 

Outside of the fictional multiverse, our children can be scared to face the big wide world, especially in today’s brutal online communities on social media platforms, TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, and Reddit.  

That's why parents should create a safe and supportive environment at home that helps kids confront and manage their fears healthily. When we do this, we build their confidence and resilience. This will benefit them as they go through life and encounter life’s challenges. 

So, let's explore some practical strategies for dealing with fear in children. These strategies will guide you to teach your child how to manage their emotions, problem-solve, and face their fears head-on.  

• Ψ Understand Why We Experience Fear  

  Fear is a natural response to danger and serves an important purpose in human survival. It enables us to recognise potential threats or dangers, whether physical or psychological.  

  When we experience fear, our body releases stress hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol, activating the "fight or flight" response. This prepares us to respond quickly to danger, through confrontation or escape. This fear prevents us from walking alone in a dangerous neighbourhood or getting too close to a dangerous animal. However, excessive or irrational fear can lead to anxiety or phobias that interfere with daily life. In such cases, it's crucial to learn healthy ways to cope with fear and anxiety. 

• Ψ Teaching Children What Fear Is

  Helping kids manage their fears begins with ensuring that they understand what fear is. Children may respond to fear by hiding, avoiding things, crying, running away, or freezing up without understanding why.

  Use age-appropriate language and explanations that fit their level of understanding so they can comprehend what you're saying. Remember to communicate that fear is a natural response to danger, and that what they feel is normal. You can use examples to illustrate what fear feels like and what happens to your body when you're afraid. Sharing your own experiences with fear and letting them know that it's normal to feel scared sometimes can also be beneficial.

  You could say something like, "I can tell you're really scared right now. Your body is shaking, you're breathing fast, and you've got tears in your eyes. But you know what? It's totally normal to feel scared. Even I get scared sometimes, like when a dog barks at me and I'm worried it might bite me."

• Ψ Teaching How to Express Fear

  Let’s face it, expressing fear can be tough for little ones.

  As they get older, it becomes important for them to be able to talk about their emotions and let people know what they need.

  So if you want to help your child open up about their fears, start by asking them what’s scaring them and let them know it’s totally okay to ask for help.

  Here’s the thing, no matter how silly or irrational their fear might seem - don’t dismiss it! Doing that might make them feel like they can’t share their fears with you in the future.

  If they’re having a hard time putting their fears into words, try giving them examples or ask questions like “Do you know how you’re feeling right now?” or “Can you tell me about a time when you felt really scared like this?”

• Ψ Modelling Appropriate Behaviours

  Alright, so your child has opened up about their fears - that's a big step! Now it's time to talk about ways to deal with those fears in a healthy way.

  There are lots of different coping strategies you can try. Some are all about relaxation, like taking deep breaths or doing some stretches. Others involve problem-solving skills, where you can help your child come up with a plan to face their fear head-on.

  And there's something called 'graded exposure' that might be helpful too. It involves gradually introducing your child to whatever it is they're afraid of in little, manageable steps. That way, they can build up their confidence and become less scared over time.

• Ψ Providing Reassurance

  After going through the above steps, it is now time to provide reassurance and positive encouragement.

  Let them know how proud you are of them for opening up about their fears at all - that takes real bravery! Reiterate that fear is a natural signal to us that there is danger present.

  As they work on facing their fears, focus on their efforts and courage, rather than just the result. Even if they do not conquer their fear right away, it is crucial to recognise and support their efforts along the way. Reassuring them that they're safe and loved is a big part of making them feel secure as they work through their fears.

Ψ Professional Help 

If these tips do not work for you, and the fear seems to be interfering with your child’s life and functioning, it might be necessary to see a mental health professional.  

Some warning signs to take note of, especially if they persist for quite some time, are if: 

• Fear is interfering with school or other activities. 

• Anxiety is preventing your child from doing things they want to do. 

• Sleep disturbances (nightmares, bed wetting)

• Irregular eating patterns due to worry about potential dangers (such as being attacked by a shark).  

If you suspect your child may need professional help to address their fears, consult with a doctor about finding a child psychologist or therapist who specializes in helping children with anxiety disorders or specific phobias.

To wrap things up, it's normal for kids to feel scared from time to time. As parents, it's our responsibility to be present and offer support when they're dealing with those fears. This means listening to them, letting them know that we're here for them no matter what, and offering reassurance and positive encouragement. We can then help our children feel more confident and capable. If their fears are intense or persistent, seeking professional help may be necessary. But with some patience and understanding, we can help our children develop the resilience they need to face whatever challenges come their way.